Every Bar in DC
…a quest to drink in every bar in DC.
Bar #23 Star and Shamrock
Time: Saturday @ 5
Clientele: Locals
Price:
$4 Bud
$5 Beers
$5 Rails
I know what you are thinking. In fact I’m thinking the same thing. Another effing Irish bar and this guy is writing it up. Why him? He is just gonna talk about how much he hates Irish bars. Well guess what: You are 100% correct.
Now after we stepped out of Biergarten Haus I was feeling great. I’d just found a place that serves great beer in a fantastic atmosphere. I wasn’t sure where we were heading next but I kinda figured that we would not be upping that bar. I realized the next bar on the list was the Star and Shamrock Tavern & Deli. As you all know I’m not a fan of Irish bars. I think that they are overrated. It’s like they invented drinking or something. I personally find them to be generic. Even with this floating through my mind I held hopes for this place. After all, it’s an Irish bar with a Jewish twist. I was curious about how this all melded together. We stepped inside. The bar had a few patrons so we were able to get our choice of places to sit. We picked a table near the window and settled in. Our waitress brought us menus and we started to decide on what to order. I must admit that I was a little impressed by the menu. Generally I’m looking for a place that has two beers that I like at a decent price. They had several beers that I enjoy along with some Hebrew beers that I’ve never tried. The whiskey menu was also good and they offered certain whiskey shots for $5 each. As we waited for our orders we were given Guinness beads, Nationals t-shirts, and hats. You know those hats that look like leprechaun hats. Our drinks were cold and tasty and the staff was both helpful and nice. I must admit that although I liked the staff this place didn’t really stand out from any other Irish bar. I guess there is that Jewish deli in the back but it’s a little out of the way and one could be in this place and never notice it. Besides, how often are you in an Irish bar and find yourself craving Jewish food? A friend and I decided to order up a round of shots to keep things flowing. We hung here for a little while longer and decided to cut out of there and head to the next destination.
The best thing about this place is the story behind how it came to be. Apparently the owners are an Irish/Jewish couple. They were thinking that they were going to open up an Irish bar and eventually settled on this place. The first Friday’s of the month they have discounted Jewish fare and the 17th of the month is discounted Irish fare. This is all nice but at the end of the day it is just another Jewish (Irish?) bar.
They were also giving away free swag – I got a t-shirt, and we all got Mardi Gras beads.
Bar #22: Biergarten Haus
Time: Saturday 3:30pm
Clientele: DC drinkers
Cost: beer – $6.36 and up
On this day we were checking out some of the places on H Street (The Atlas District). We decided to meet up at Biergarten Haus. I’d been out doing some shopping and felt like I would be late, nothing unusual if you know me, so I decided to hop a cab. On this gorgeous day i was looking forward to having a few liters of good beer, perhaps some pretzels and brats and reminiscing about the time I spent in Bavaria hunting down those war criminals, the Von Trapps. H Street was under construction so the road was all effed up. Those of you familiar with the District know that this could be the case for years to come. I’ve literally seen some streets in DC under construction for years. This wouldn’t be noteworthy except for the fact that it is usually the same blocks on the same street.
Anyway, my guest and I hopped out of the cab and much to my surprise were the first to arrive. We stepped in and went straight to the back. What’s the the point of being here if one sits inside? As we stepped through i noticed a deer head hanging over the bar. I like this place. We stepped out onto a cobble stoned backyard and sat at a table near the fountain. Although the place wasn’t at capacity there were a good number of people already eating and drinking. There were several projectors showing the British Open, Yawn! We ordered a couple half liters of beer and chatted while waiting for the rest of our party to arrive. Mere minutes later Gin Kitten arrived and ordered her own half liter. I ordered the Hofbrau and I have to say that it was tasty. In fact the general consensus in our group was that all the beers
were excellent. We ordered a second round but this time I went for a Spaten Optimator Dopplebock. What is there to say about this beer? It was like the skies opened up and a single ray of sunshine was illuminating me. This thing was delicious! I know I’ve said that other beers are delicious before but this was above and beyond. I fought back the urge to cry for joy. At this point Cupcakes and another friend arrived.
Cupcakes had been chatting with an old college friend and informed us that there was a nice breeze blowing through the open door at the back of the patio so we decided to move the party so that we could take advantage of that. While waiting for another round to arrive (No, I do *not* have a drinking problem, ahem), I went to the doorway by the alley to have a smoke. There I struck up a conversation with a gentleman who for the sake of this article we’ll call Drunky. Now, Drunky lives in the neighborhood and had the grizzled look of a man who has spent his whole life wrestling alligators into submission with his bare hands. He started telling me that the neighborhood has become even more dangerous since they opened up these bars. I didn’t think that this was possible. It’s like saying that the momma badger whose pups you are juggling while poking her with a stick managed to become even angrier after a good taunting. Drunky said that he has been robbed at gunpoint twice and had his house broken into twice. I couldn’t believe any robber could rob this man and live to tell the tale. This was the meanest looking s.o.b that I’ve encountered in a long while. Regardless, it is kinda funny to know that some parts of the city that I grew up with are still alive and kicking.
I went back to my table and killed another beer. My friend ordered some pretzels and offered me a bite. I’m not sure if it was the alcohol or the fact that I hadn’t eaten since breakfast – either way they were right on time. At this point we were here for much longer than we planned to be, so we decided that it was time to hit up another spot.
After a few hours of drinking here I have a few quick thoughts. I love this place. Real German beer, cheesy German music, some authentic German food and outdoor seating. We arrived at 3 and initially we thought that was a little early. The waitstaff was awesome. They even accommodated us when we asked to switch tables (didn’t even ask us to close out and start a new tab). Although there were a good number of people there it wasn’t packed. By the time we left at 4:30 or so the place was noticeably more crowded and there seemed to be a continuous stream of people trickling in. A friend went there later in the night and he said it was as loud and crowded as an AC/DC concert. The only thing missing was some Hoff.
Bar #21: MOVA Lounge
Time: Wednesday 7-8
Cost:
- $6 Blue Moon
- $9 Martini
Clientele: Gay men and lady friends
We stepped into MOVA between cigarettes outside of Stoney’s. The place reeked of martinis and mojitos. Looking around, I felt like I was in Stanley Kubrick’s A Clockwork Orange. The first floor is decorated in what is best termed ‘modern decor’; white, rounded walls, mirrors to open the space, etc. It’s not my favorite kind of decor in the least. As I was reminded of Malcolm McDowell singing “Singing in the Rain,” I looked up and was immediately surprised by what could only be described as Chuck E’ Cheese lighting below industrial ceilings. Not being an interior designer, I’d suggest this place for a make-over on one of those cable shows.
Samedi ordered us martinis. After the bartender filled our glasses with ice, Samedi informed the bartender that we didn’t want ice in our martinis (obviously). To which the bartender replied “It’s to cool the glass” in such a flamboyent cocky manner that I think Samedi was both embarrassed and pissed at the dude while I just found the bartender to be highly amusing.
There were some decent looking men here, but then there were a few of those greasy types as well, the ones you know come there regularly and get very little attention, wearing their gold chain and half buttoned shirt with billowing chest hair (see Carl to the right). In the back of the bar someone was having a b-day, which included 4 women. On a clubbing night I can only imagine the same clientele but with more scantily dressed women trying to get their groove on without being molested by straight men. After my tall, blonde, attractive guy friend arrived and realized that he felt uncomfortable with all the male attention, we downed our delicious drinks and headed out for another smoke.
Bar #20: Stoney’s Lounge
Time: Wednesday 6-8
Cost:
- $4 Bud light
- $5 Beer
- $5 Rail
Clientèle: Locals
On a sweltering day like this nothing is better than a tall cold one in an air conditioned haven. We decided to hit up Stoney’s on P street. I must confess that I’ve been going to Stoney’s since it was a divey cop bar on L street. It was the type of place where you could walk in and get rude service from one of the many seemingly disgruntled employees. Usually by the time you walked out, you’d be covered in a thin layer of atmospheric grease. Basically it used to be a no frills place where the menu was rather minimalistic, but on nice days they would open up the windows to let in a cool breeze, or if you were lucky you could get one of the few tables that were situated outside. I frequented this place because it was very close to the job. Hell, I was there so often that they actually knew my name and would serve any person (intern) that we brought in. When they closed DC lost one of its better dive bars.
On this day it must have been close to 100 degrees outside so the cold air that hit me in the face when I walked in was more than welcome. I looked around the downstairs bar but didn’t see Cupcakes so I ducked through the door to the left and headed upstairs. I found her at the bar, pulled up a stool and ordered a Lagunitus Pils. As I took my first sip I had to wonder if there is anything better on a scorcher like today than a ice cold beer? I think not. Before we were able to finish our first beers Gin Kitten walked in. Although she looked a bit like a hobo she swore that she had just come from work. We ordered another round and drank in our surroundings. Although every seat at the downstairs bar was occupied the upstairs was fairly deserted. While you can usually get a good beer upstairs the downstairs is where it’s at. Down there you can find something that would appeal to anyone. Feel like a cider? They got that. Feel like an IPA? They got that too. You get the idea. After another beer we settled up and headed out to check out Mova, the gay bar next door.
After Mova, we intended to stop at Stoney’s again, if for no other reason than to get the Mova-stink off of us. This time we went straight upstairs. By now it was close to eight and the place was getting packed. There was no seating at the bar and there were many more people roaming around. The bartender informed us that this was the second week that they were doing trivia and apparently people love trivia nights. Being as we were not here to play trivia we decided to head out. I guess on this night i’ll have to settle for a scalding shower to wash the stink of Mova off.
Comparing this newer location to the old one just doesn’t seem right to me. While it might have lost that new bar smell its a far cry from what the old location was. This place is much larger and nicer. The menu has been expanded, although there is still nothing too fancy here just the staples that one would expect in a decent bar. Personally I love the mac and cheese. The bar area is rather smallish. I’d say that you can fit about 15 people around it but they make up for it by having a few tables surrounding it. Much like the old one on a nice day they will open up the windows to allow a nice breeze to blow through. The one area that the old one outshone the new was outside seating. They usually have two small tables out front and those are usually occupied early on and rarely relinquished. If you are lucky enough to cop one of these it is a great vantage point from which to do a little people watching. If you can’t get these and still wanna check out the yuppies, hipsters and weirdo’s you can still do this from the window tables
If you have a larger group then I’d suggest heading upstairs. This area is not usually crowded so it should be able to accommodate you. There is a loungey area to the back with couches and a coffee table. They also have an internet jukebox up there so you can pick what you want to listen to. Much to my disappointment they removed the pool table from the front area of the upstairs and replaced it with more tables. I get that people probably weren’t using it much and more tables means more customers but it just seems to me that good bars should have a pool table. On the bright side, the prices here are comparable to just about any other bar in the city.
Bar #19: Big Hunt
Time: Saturday 12am – close
Cost:
- $4 Miller
- $5 ‘ass’ beer
- $5 rail
Clientele: tattools and regular local DC folk/interns
This was the last stop during my joint b-day celebration. Upon entering we headed straight upstairs ordered our choice of beer with ‘ass’ in the name (eg. big-ass wheat) and made our way out to the patio. We clearly love outdoor space and this spot was no different, but it was a wet night and Big Hunt has no covering for the patio. Luckily when placed on a bench, my bright yellow raincoat also doubles for a dry spot to sit. The patio is a bit strange as it’s placed between tall buildings, but it does the trick.
The night was filled with fake tattoos for all and unlike the previous bars we hit up they fit in at the Big Hunt. With people wearing stars on their faces, skulls on their shoulders and vampire bite marks on their necks we managed to fit right in. Well, as much as you can while wearing fake tattoos. At some point I managed to make my way to the jukebox. After putting $5 in I couldn’t manage to find all the songs I was looking for which is unacceptable from any modern jukebox. It was necessary that I play my namesake song. Talking Heads seemed to appease me and I rejoined the group to continue celebrating such a joyous occasion as Say Aah played over the speakers.
With monstrous teeth lining the ceiling and tats scattered throughout the bar, this place has a divey feel that is rare in Dupont. The beers on tap are decent and different from the regular fare you’ll find in most bars. Prices are reasonable but not cheap dive-bar prices.